Friday, January 09, 2004
Wow, I'm tired. Then again, who isn't? :) Seriously though, I don't mean it just literally. It's weird, but since I have this here Blog set up, let's see how it'll look like in a text form.
I woke up around a month ago feeling weird. Feeling... Tired. A little more jaded, a little more cynical. Trust me, that's a huge jump from where I normally am. Viciously optimistic and idealistic. It bugged me, I'll have to say, but recently, it's becoming a lot more comfortable to slip into. In a good way I hope. Lemme explain.
Let's start by breaking down how I was beginning to feel. At first, I thought I was becoming asexual or something. Perish the thought. Women still appeal to me greatly. They're incredibly beautiful creatures. It's just that, all of a sudden, the great lust I used to harbor for these objects of beauty was gone. I remember walking down the street, seeing a bevy of scantily-clad pieces of meat (females, you perverts), and just go ape-crazy, testosterone levels hitting the roof, a thousand and one fantasies just running through my head. Recently, I'm walking in town, and I'm like, (everyone say it with me now) "Whatever!" But seriously, I acknowledge the fact that certain women do get a second glance from me, but I don't feel it anymore. That primal urge to beat them over the head with a stick and drag them home to do with as you please. Thoughts like casual sex, surfing or watching porn, just seem so... Empty. Without substance. All of a sudden, I'm just tired of having to waste my energies feeling unnecessarily. All of a sudden, I just want to find the right girl for me, and settle down, and be content. All of a sudden, I'm tired of caring for everyone everytime. All of a sudden, I feel... older.
Had coffee with a good girlfriend earlier. I liked one way she put it. To paraphrase, "It sounds like you're tired of having your feeling and emotions boil over. Sounds like you just want to put a lid on it with a lock, and wait for the right one to come by with the right combination to lift it." And I'm like, "Yeah, I do." It's not as if I'm waiting for someone to drop into my lap here (though it'd be nice if they did). I'm just taking a backseat for once, while the tour bus shows me what this world has to offer. Does that make any sense to you?
I woke up around a month ago feeling weird. Feeling... Tired. A little more jaded, a little more cynical. Trust me, that's a huge jump from where I normally am. Viciously optimistic and idealistic. It bugged me, I'll have to say, but recently, it's becoming a lot more comfortable to slip into. In a good way I hope. Lemme explain.
Let's start by breaking down how I was beginning to feel. At first, I thought I was becoming asexual or something. Perish the thought. Women still appeal to me greatly. They're incredibly beautiful creatures. It's just that, all of a sudden, the great lust I used to harbor for these objects of beauty was gone. I remember walking down the street, seeing a bevy of scantily-clad pieces of meat (females, you perverts), and just go ape-crazy, testosterone levels hitting the roof, a thousand and one fantasies just running through my head. Recently, I'm walking in town, and I'm like, (everyone say it with me now) "Whatever!" But seriously, I acknowledge the fact that certain women do get a second glance from me, but I don't feel it anymore. That primal urge to beat them over the head with a stick and drag them home to do with as you please. Thoughts like casual sex, surfing or watching porn, just seem so... Empty. Without substance. All of a sudden, I'm just tired of having to waste my energies feeling unnecessarily. All of a sudden, I just want to find the right girl for me, and settle down, and be content. All of a sudden, I'm tired of caring for everyone everytime. All of a sudden, I feel... older.
Had coffee with a good girlfriend earlier. I liked one way she put it. To paraphrase, "It sounds like you're tired of having your feeling and emotions boil over. Sounds like you just want to put a lid on it with a lock, and wait for the right one to come by with the right combination to lift it." And I'm like, "Yeah, I do." It's not as if I'm waiting for someone to drop into my lap here (though it'd be nice if they did). I'm just taking a backseat for once, while the tour bus shows me what this world has to offer. Does that make any sense to you?
