Friday, January 14, 2005
Seems like I've a lot more to say these days huh? Oh yes, barely a week, and I'm back. It's been a bad week. You know it's bad when I can't be bothered to use anything more descriptive than "bad". The simplicity should be driving a stake of white hot terror into a crevice of your soul. But I'm guessing it isn't. Do tell me if it does though. I have a running bet with some friends :)
So, for those who still don't have a clearer picture on how bad "bad" is, I'll try to paint you something. From my whole "Gene Angry! Gene SMASH! (Gene cry. Gene sad.)" mood I was going through last weekend (if the previous few posts haven't been some form of indication), I booked into camp tired. So. Fucking. Tired. And then, it occurs to me: I'm depressed. "Why yes, I have felt that way before..." To add to that, my boss is going ape-shit over each and everyone of us because of some pathetic ANNUAL MEDIC PROFICIENCY TEST we have to take next week. Basically, if we fail, we make him look bad. So he's been insulting us, throwing obscenity after obscenity at us, showering us with threats that hold about as much water as a hole in a piece of paper, and sarcasms so weak that an ant ejaculating could knock over. It finally boiled over yesterday. I was in no mood to entertain such treatment. Especially when it's towards ALL of us, the ones who've broken their backs to run HIS medical centre for him. He'd rather have the whole medical centre shut down and us studying for the blasted test. And he came close to it too yesterday. Had the longest... Hmm, how should I put this...? "Exchange of opinions" with him. Heh, that was polite, wasn't it? I don't accommodate bullies. And as I was leaving his office, it happened. A casualty came in, with a temperature of 41 degrees Celsius. And we did what we did best. "One life saved". There's something quite glorious when you see a helicopter lift off with a life saved. A life we saved. It was a respite we had badly needed. After months on end of paper work, I think my colleagues and I needed a little reminder as to why we were proud to be medics on Pulau Tekong. Really, it's easy to forget sometimes. And sometimes, it just seems impossible to forget...
I'm getting over it. Heh, yeah, I notice that too. All the "I'll be"s and "I am"s. More importantly then: WHEN? I don't quite know. I figure it'll leave once I've figured out what I want. Heh, but then, you know what I want don't you? No, not you, you idiot. HER. Anyway, I've told you what I want, so there :)
Ah yes, so very cryptic again am I *shrugs* I'm on a can of Red Bull and everything I'm listening to is at a fine low buzz. Like I said. So. Fucking. Tired. Why the Red Bull then? I'll be heading out in a while. Meeting some friends for a couple of beers. I've been spending my last 5 days indoors. I need to get out and take a walk. Where people won't recognise me. Where people won't even look at me. Heh, when I think about it, I'm not meeting friends. Nah, this group of people are merely acquaintances. They know fuck-all about me, I know fuck-all about them. I think it balances out quite nicely, don't you think? I need to feel alone. And what better way then to be just another face in the crowd? I'm reminded of a line from a book by one of my favourite authors, Douglas Coupland. It's from "Shampoo Planet". "The time you feel loneliest, is the time you need to be alone the most." Take a bite, chew on it a little, and tell me what you think. I'm off for a drink. And don't worry. No song lyrics for this one :)
So, for those who still don't have a clearer picture on how bad "bad" is, I'll try to paint you something. From my whole "Gene Angry! Gene SMASH! (Gene cry. Gene sad.)" mood I was going through last weekend (if the previous few posts haven't been some form of indication), I booked into camp tired. So. Fucking. Tired. And then, it occurs to me: I'm depressed. "Why yes, I have felt that way before..." To add to that, my boss is going ape-shit over each and everyone of us because of some pathetic ANNUAL MEDIC PROFICIENCY TEST we have to take next week. Basically, if we fail, we make him look bad. So he's been insulting us, throwing obscenity after obscenity at us, showering us with threats that hold about as much water as a hole in a piece of paper, and sarcasms so weak that an ant ejaculating could knock over. It finally boiled over yesterday. I was in no mood to entertain such treatment. Especially when it's towards ALL of us, the ones who've broken their backs to run HIS medical centre for him. He'd rather have the whole medical centre shut down and us studying for the blasted test. And he came close to it too yesterday. Had the longest... Hmm, how should I put this...? "Exchange of opinions" with him. Heh, that was polite, wasn't it? I don't accommodate bullies. And as I was leaving his office, it happened. A casualty came in, with a temperature of 41 degrees Celsius. And we did what we did best. "One life saved". There's something quite glorious when you see a helicopter lift off with a life saved. A life we saved. It was a respite we had badly needed. After months on end of paper work, I think my colleagues and I needed a little reminder as to why we were proud to be medics on Pulau Tekong. Really, it's easy to forget sometimes. And sometimes, it just seems impossible to forget...
I'm getting over it. Heh, yeah, I notice that too. All the "I'll be"s and "I am"s. More importantly then: WHEN? I don't quite know. I figure it'll leave once I've figured out what I want. Heh, but then, you know what I want don't you? No, not you, you idiot. HER. Anyway, I've told you what I want, so there :)
Ah yes, so very cryptic again am I *shrugs* I'm on a can of Red Bull and everything I'm listening to is at a fine low buzz. Like I said. So. Fucking. Tired. Why the Red Bull then? I'll be heading out in a while. Meeting some friends for a couple of beers. I've been spending my last 5 days indoors. I need to get out and take a walk. Where people won't recognise me. Where people won't even look at me. Heh, when I think about it, I'm not meeting friends. Nah, this group of people are merely acquaintances. They know fuck-all about me, I know fuck-all about them. I think it balances out quite nicely, don't you think? I need to feel alone. And what better way then to be just another face in the crowd? I'm reminded of a line from a book by one of my favourite authors, Douglas Coupland. It's from "Shampoo Planet". "The time you feel loneliest, is the time you need to be alone the most." Take a bite, chew on it a little, and tell me what you think. I'm off for a drink. And don't worry. No song lyrics for this one :)
