Tuesday, January 11, 2005
Well now, surprise surprise. Heh, 3 times a charm (or something like that) I guess? I digress...
So if the previous post is anything to go by, yeah, I'm still regurgitating breakfast :) I'm just still talking 'cause I need to. I figure if I type as much as I can, something in this mass of words and lettering might actually describe perfectly what I'm trying to say (any luck yet?). Or maybe not.
I'm losing it. My point, that is. My mind can go later, once Alzheimer's bought over the lease. Ugh, even my humour's taking a beating *sigh* Know what guys? I'm tired. Of being "OK". It's been more than a week, and I feel... Wrong. This goes beyond "accidentally wearing your dad's underwear" wrong. I'm severely out of synch with the rest of the world. Nothing I do seems to matter to me, and it's killing me to pretend that it does. You know what's sad? I'll say this now, but when I wake up tomorrow, I'll take in a deep breath, and carry on. Why? Because I have to. Because everyone else around me is wrapped up enough in their own fucking problems that it's fucking choking them to death, and God FORBID that I help pull the lever on their gallows...
*sigh* I still care too much don't I? Seems like I never seem to know how to move on proper. It seems so much easier for everyone else to pretend that everything's okay. Huh. Well, it'll be back to work for me in a few hours. Sweet God I hope my boss doesn't piss me off this week. I'm severely itching for a confrontation with him, and it's been a while since I've had one proper. I'm still trying to see if I can push for a heart attack. Or at least a migraine. Heh, one thing at a time...
Round and round we go. So many random thoughts. I hope this makes more sense to you lot. God knows I've given up trying to make sense of it meself. Then again, why the fuck should I? It doesn't always have to work out right? Pain will always be a part of the equation. Only thing that makes us feel alive right? No, seriously. I had a conversation with a friend earlier. How many people do you know who were happy before they became reknowned artists? (and let's not forget, most of them had to die first before any of us could really give a shit) Most I know of were tortured souls. And those who didn't take their lives lived with an infinite sadness. So hey, I guess I should be happy. Pain is a necessity. It makes us stronger. And God knows, the marks are more permanent. Best way to learn how to deal right? To evolve? To become stronger assholes who think that we know better, but we never truly do, do we? Heh, there's no answer to that one. It's a rhetorical on my part. Ah-ha, so witty am I...
So there you go. Until next weekend. Or maybe not. Whatever. For tonight at least, I don't care. And one last bunch of useless lyrics for all of you to chew on. Enjoy.
"Don't know how
And I don't know why
There's been so many
Changes inside
Shed my skin
Cut my hair
Try to lose myself
Anywhere...
Tonight I won't be sleeping too soon
There's another game out there I'm waiting to lose
And when the talk gets cheap and my head gets too numb
To another broken heart I'll always succumb
But it's alright
I'll be okay
Is there more
That needs to be said..."
----- Gene Khor, Untitled
So if the previous post is anything to go by, yeah, I'm still regurgitating breakfast :) I'm just still talking 'cause I need to. I figure if I type as much as I can, something in this mass of words and lettering might actually describe perfectly what I'm trying to say (any luck yet?). Or maybe not.
I'm losing it. My point, that is. My mind can go later, once Alzheimer's bought over the lease. Ugh, even my humour's taking a beating *sigh* Know what guys? I'm tired. Of being "OK". It's been more than a week, and I feel... Wrong. This goes beyond "accidentally wearing your dad's underwear" wrong. I'm severely out of synch with the rest of the world. Nothing I do seems to matter to me, and it's killing me to pretend that it does. You know what's sad? I'll say this now, but when I wake up tomorrow, I'll take in a deep breath, and carry on. Why? Because I have to. Because everyone else around me is wrapped up enough in their own fucking problems that it's fucking choking them to death, and God FORBID that I help pull the lever on their gallows...
*sigh* I still care too much don't I? Seems like I never seem to know how to move on proper. It seems so much easier for everyone else to pretend that everything's okay. Huh. Well, it'll be back to work for me in a few hours. Sweet God I hope my boss doesn't piss me off this week. I'm severely itching for a confrontation with him, and it's been a while since I've had one proper. I'm still trying to see if I can push for a heart attack. Or at least a migraine. Heh, one thing at a time...
Round and round we go. So many random thoughts. I hope this makes more sense to you lot. God knows I've given up trying to make sense of it meself. Then again, why the fuck should I? It doesn't always have to work out right? Pain will always be a part of the equation. Only thing that makes us feel alive right? No, seriously. I had a conversation with a friend earlier. How many people do you know who were happy before they became reknowned artists? (and let's not forget, most of them had to die first before any of us could really give a shit) Most I know of were tortured souls. And those who didn't take their lives lived with an infinite sadness. So hey, I guess I should be happy. Pain is a necessity. It makes us stronger. And God knows, the marks are more permanent. Best way to learn how to deal right? To evolve? To become stronger assholes who think that we know better, but we never truly do, do we? Heh, there's no answer to that one. It's a rhetorical on my part. Ah-ha, so witty am I...
So there you go. Until next weekend. Or maybe not. Whatever. For tonight at least, I don't care. And one last bunch of useless lyrics for all of you to chew on. Enjoy.
"Don't know how
And I don't know why
There's been so many
Changes inside
Shed my skin
Cut my hair
Try to lose myself
Anywhere...
Tonight I won't be sleeping too soon
There's another game out there I'm waiting to lose
And when the talk gets cheap and my head gets too numb
To another broken heart I'll always succumb
But it's alright
I'll be okay
Is there more
That needs to be said..."
----- Gene Khor, Untitled
