Tuesday, August 09, 2005
So it's our country's birthday. That has hardly any significance on what I'm about to talk about. Just thought I'd point it out. Peculiar timing, life has eh? :)
What am I going to delve into then? Ha, it's anyone's guess, including my own, considering the rather angry last post I made. So, what does that make me today? Tired. Big whoop. As if that made much of a difference? Well, it didn't. But I'm sure most of you knew that already. Honestly, I don't know what I'm writing right now. It's not as if I'm drunk or anything (though yes, I finally did get those few drinks I've been dying for). I'm just hoping that once again, as my fingers type, the subconscious will guide. Wishful huh? Well, we all have to hold onto something...
I considered ending this Blog. Like, in the sense of wiping it's existence out of the Internet. It wouldn't have changed anything though. Lord knows, it wouldn't be fair to friends out there who bother to read this, and give me the time I need before asking me the obvious questions. Is it that hard for anyone to understand that I just want some time to myself, instead of having them push cliches into my face? Heh, I'll let you answer that one yourselves. You all deserve that much credit. By now, my entries aren't some pathetic cries for help. They're just an extension of myself. The fact that I'm writing shows that I haven't given up yet. On life in general at least :) "Hope is a dangerous thing", Morgan Freeman's character in the Shawshank Redemption once said. And he was right. But sometimes, when it's all you have, what have you got to lose?
"Grow up"? "Be an adult"? "Let's be mature about this"? I've lost count of the number of times I've heard it. Lord knows I'm sure you're bored shitless from hearing/saying it too. Tell you what: You start first, I'll follow. I'll try saying it nicely now though: I know, just like you know. It's like, conciously standing in front of a moving vehicle. Speeding. You know you're about to be hit. You know you're going to be in a severe amount of pain (should you survive). It doesn't make the pain any less painful (wow, wasn't that redundant; but yet, neccesary). Like I said, give me some credit, and listen to me when I ask: There isn't anything you will already say that I already know. But it doesn't make it any less painful. If you choose to presume you're any better/mature/knowledgable than me in this instance, please go ahead, but know that I've most probably thought of a retort already. Whether I choose to use it is dependant on my mood. Please don't push me. I, like you, am only human. My pain is my own. It doesn't make it any better to share it.
What does that leave me with? Being too tired to type anymore *sighs* I'll just leave it with a song. Big surprise huh? Bear with me. It shows I'm in a better mood (please compare this to the last post should you not believe me). Have fun. Enjoy the holiday. I'll see everyone soon. I love you. But it'll never be enough. Good night. I'll see all of you soon :)
"I am driving up 85 in the
Kind of morning that lasts all afternoon
Just stuck inside the gloom
4 more exits to my apartment but
I am tempted to keep the car in drive
And leave it all behind
Cause I wonder sometimes
About the outcome
Of a still verdictless life
Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Why Georgia, why?
I rent a room and I fill the spaces with
Wood in places to make it feel like home
But all I feel's alone
It might be a quarter life crisis
Or just the stirring in my soul
Either way I wonder sometimes
About the outcome
Of a still verdictless life
Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Why Georgia, why?
So what, so I've got a smile on
But it's hiding the quiet superstitions in my head
Don't believe me
When I say I've got it down
Everybody is just a stranger but
That's the danger in going my own way
I guess it's the price I have to pay
Still "everything happens for a reason"
Is no reason not to ask myself
If I am living it right
Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Why Georgia, why?"
----- John Mayer, "Why Georgia"
What am I going to delve into then? Ha, it's anyone's guess, including my own, considering the rather angry last post I made. So, what does that make me today? Tired. Big whoop. As if that made much of a difference? Well, it didn't. But I'm sure most of you knew that already. Honestly, I don't know what I'm writing right now. It's not as if I'm drunk or anything (though yes, I finally did get those few drinks I've been dying for). I'm just hoping that once again, as my fingers type, the subconscious will guide. Wishful huh? Well, we all have to hold onto something...
I considered ending this Blog. Like, in the sense of wiping it's existence out of the Internet. It wouldn't have changed anything though. Lord knows, it wouldn't be fair to friends out there who bother to read this, and give me the time I need before asking me the obvious questions. Is it that hard for anyone to understand that I just want some time to myself, instead of having them push cliches into my face? Heh, I'll let you answer that one yourselves. You all deserve that much credit. By now, my entries aren't some pathetic cries for help. They're just an extension of myself. The fact that I'm writing shows that I haven't given up yet. On life in general at least :) "Hope is a dangerous thing", Morgan Freeman's character in the Shawshank Redemption once said. And he was right. But sometimes, when it's all you have, what have you got to lose?
"Grow up"? "Be an adult"? "Let's be mature about this"? I've lost count of the number of times I've heard it. Lord knows I'm sure you're bored shitless from hearing/saying it too. Tell you what: You start first, I'll follow. I'll try saying it nicely now though: I know, just like you know. It's like, conciously standing in front of a moving vehicle. Speeding. You know you're about to be hit. You know you're going to be in a severe amount of pain (should you survive). It doesn't make the pain any less painful (wow, wasn't that redundant; but yet, neccesary). Like I said, give me some credit, and listen to me when I ask: There isn't anything you will already say that I already know. But it doesn't make it any less painful. If you choose to presume you're any better/mature/knowledgable than me in this instance, please go ahead, but know that I've most probably thought of a retort already. Whether I choose to use it is dependant on my mood. Please don't push me. I, like you, am only human. My pain is my own. It doesn't make it any better to share it.
What does that leave me with? Being too tired to type anymore *sighs* I'll just leave it with a song. Big surprise huh? Bear with me. It shows I'm in a better mood (please compare this to the last post should you not believe me). Have fun. Enjoy the holiday. I'll see everyone soon. I love you. But it'll never be enough. Good night. I'll see all of you soon :)
"I am driving up 85 in the
Kind of morning that lasts all afternoon
Just stuck inside the gloom
4 more exits to my apartment but
I am tempted to keep the car in drive
And leave it all behind
Cause I wonder sometimes
About the outcome
Of a still verdictless life
Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Why Georgia, why?
I rent a room and I fill the spaces with
Wood in places to make it feel like home
But all I feel's alone
It might be a quarter life crisis
Or just the stirring in my soul
Either way I wonder sometimes
About the outcome
Of a still verdictless life
Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Why Georgia, why?
So what, so I've got a smile on
But it's hiding the quiet superstitions in my head
Don't believe me
When I say I've got it down
Everybody is just a stranger but
That's the danger in going my own way
I guess it's the price I have to pay
Still "everything happens for a reason"
Is no reason not to ask myself
If I am living it right
Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Why Georgia, why?"
----- John Mayer, "Why Georgia"
