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     Valentine's Day has come and gone, and well, no visible scars, be they physical or emotional. I don't feel any worse off, and I suppose that's a good thing. It's kinda weird though, on hindsight. Valentine's Day used to mean a lot to me in the past, whether I was single or attached. Then again, I used to believe differently in a lot of things in the past. These days, it's just another reason for me to avoid town or any other potentially cosy spots. Eerily, everyone decides that they have to be a little more affectionate, or a little more "lovey-dovey" in a disgustingly sweet saccharine sorta way. Why saccharine instead of sugary? Well, saccharine isn't real sugar, and overwhelming displays of affection doesn't really equate to real love.
     The way I see it, it's kinda like how those Courtesy Campaigns here go about. After that week of feeling obligated to be polite to the people around them ('cause we all know how self-conscious the average Singaporean can be), Singaporeans decide that they've met their quota for the year, and with their conscience cleansed, can go back to being the inconsiderate money-grubbing types this society has shaped them to be.
     If you ask me, what it should be all about is to serve as a reminder. After being in a relationship with someone you sincerely care for, life's worries will eventually distract you from each other. Come Valentine's, it's a good time to reflect, right? See whether or not your better half has been neglected or taken for granted because of everything else you've been focusing your attention on, and use it as an opportunity to show that you still do care. Don't decide to show some form of love and affection because you feel obliged to, because, at the end of the day, that's what Valentine's Day has become. An obligation. And though I no longer feel as strongly for it as I used to, I still remember what it used to mean to me...
     And so, on that note, ends another entry. I don't know. Maybe when I fall into another relationship, at the same time, I'll fall into the same trap everyone else has seems to have fallen into. Valentine's Day next year is quite a while away. Who knows what can change in a year eh? :)

     Heh, is the weekend over already? It's such a shame that they always go by so fast. Then it's back to serving the Nation. As much as I find it distasteful though, staying in on Pulau Tekong has it's benefits. All things considered, I spend my time more productively in camp than I'd do if I booked out every night, which, upon arriving home, would be devoted to the TV and food. For example, I save quite a bit of cash (as long as I can resist the temptation to go to the canteen for my meals. Mmm, fried everything...), I'm reading more now that I did before entering the army, I go for a run and to the gym to work out a little (to work off that fried everything I may have had earlier. I'm give in so easily...), I get an additional 2 hours of sleep from not having to travel and book in in the mornings, and spend time with a great bunch of colleagues (those who can be bothered to stay in anyhow, which isn't many). There's quite a lot of freedom to do as you please after office hours. Not to mention, my bunk is on the 4th floor of my accommodation block. Incredible view of the sea and Singapore. I've still yet to tire of watching the sunset while puffing away on a clove cigarette. Just goes to show there's beauty everywhere. Just gotta know where to look (Good Lord, did I just write that? How cheesy can I get?)
     Heh, seriously though. Staying in makes me appreciate booking out on the weekends even more. Small things you never thought about suddenly become a wondrous thing. Like, being able to sleep in my queen size bed, and waking up an hour before lunch on a Sunday. Or having a home-cooked lunch for me when I get home on Saturdays. Or smoking in public anytime, anywhere (well, almost anywhere). Or, hey, after seeing the same faces for 5 and a half days straight (or 14, depending if I have a weekend duty, in which case, it'll be a while before you see another entry, which reminds me, my next weekend duty's on the 21st and 22nd of this month. Now back to our irregularly scheduled entry.), meeting up with my own personal circles of friends. Friends who know me for me. When you're surrounded by work-relationships almost everyday, you can't imagine how important that is. It still surprises me at how many different people I can meet up with over the weekend, and still have space to spend quality time with my parents. It's taken on a whole new dimension for me. Time, that is. With so little during my weekends, how can I not devote each hour, each minute, each second to making sure I have good memories and a smile to last me through the long week? :) So, with that, here's to the next weekend. Valentine's cometh! Heh, I'm gonna love to see what I've got to say about that...

     So wow, here's another entry. It's a poem thing I wrote during my Wednesday duty. Had quite a bit on my mind. Maybe a little too much. It's been a stressful sorta week for me. Anyhow, I had to get it out. Strangely, the words "lost and finding" kept going through my head. So, I put pencil to paper, and now, from print, to screen. It's my first poem, so bear with me. I'm happy I wrote it though. Like going a couple of rounds on the punching bag. That's what this Blog is for right? An outlet.

*ahem*

Falls Apart

I don't know where to start, and I don't know how it'll end
Somedays I seem so sure, until I slip and fall again
I have so much to say, but I don't know how to say it
So I talk too much till the words lose their meaning

It's so hard to care and so hard to cry
For the people that I love
The disappointment I feel in them is a reflection upon myself
After the mistakes I've made, maybe I deserve to have my broken heart
A punishment from above

I used to care so much, too much, about everything and everyone
Until I couldn't care enough for the one I loved most
The one who could love me
And it broke us, and I'm sorry. So very sorry

I've said those words to myself, to everyone, for everyone, so many times
That they just lose all sense and their rhyme
And now these days I'm older, and still trying
Making a real effort this time, but still lost and finding

And when it all falls apart again
Maybe this time I won't feel like I'm going insane